Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
