I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
