I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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