If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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