So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
