dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
