she woke up with a sticky ear
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
