How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
