i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
