We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
