They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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