god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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