Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize