ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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