seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
