My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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