sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
