I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
