I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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