4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you didnt know i had herpes?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
