a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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