After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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