apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You're like the curious george of whores
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
