It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
