I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
