So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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