Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
