fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
