i already hear my dad disowning me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
