im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
