I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
