"it" just moved
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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