accomplished twins. life is a go
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
