maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
