I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
pray to the hookup gods
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
