Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
