Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
