if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
