she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
