He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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