My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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