Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
