Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
