id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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