he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
