You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
