I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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