i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
God, I missed his penis.
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