So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hippo gnu deer
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
