i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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