you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
