That's intense
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
