I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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