why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is the high leading the old right now
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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