I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
