What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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