oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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