Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
