He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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