omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
