your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
