Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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