hotel room ftw
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
