Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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