my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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