What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
