The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Randomize
