people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
