so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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