just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
