True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
