Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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