so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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