WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
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