Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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