Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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