if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
