I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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