I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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