Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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