I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
