I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
