I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
