i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
