My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
