i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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