Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize