i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
