so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
