A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
