apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
