Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
