Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
