the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Let's get the cat blown out
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
