I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He? As in you personified your dick?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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