i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
