sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
