Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
