So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
