if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
