apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
