The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize