So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
