I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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