I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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