Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
