two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
