2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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