I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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