He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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